If you’re wondering why you’re still single, you’re not alone—and you’re definitely not broken. Many people in Swords, Malahide, and surrounding areas come to counselling with similar questions. Understanding your patterns in relationships, how you approach emotional connection, and even how your past shaped you can reveal what might be holding you back. Often, this self-awareness and emotional intelligence isn’t something we naturally grow up with—especially if we didn’t have healthy relationships modelled for us.
The good news? These are skills you can learn. Counselling can help you better understand your relationship dynamics, improve emotional awareness, and build the confidence to form meaningful, lasting partnerships.
The 3 Phases of Romantic Love
Dr. John Gottman identified three distinct phases of romantic relationships. Along the way, couples (and individuals) face several “choice points”—moments where you either go deeper or pull back. Recognising these stages can help you pinpoint where relationships tend to break down for you, and how counselling can support you through them.
1. The Honeymoon Stage (a.k.a. Limerence)
In this exciting early stage, you feel a strong spark and chemistry. Your brain is practically swimming in oxytocin and dopamine. You want to spend every minute together, and everything feels new and promising. This phase can last weeks, months, or even a couple of years.
But if your relationships consistently stalls after this phase, counselling may help you uncover patterns or fears that show up once the intensity fades.
2. The Trust Stage
This phase begins when both partners start acting in one another’s best interest. It’s when we say, “My partner has my back.” It’s also the stage where the most arguments tend to happen.
If you find yourself withdrawing at this point or avoiding conflict, this is where Summit Counselling Swords may be able to help. It provides a safe space to explore trust, boundaries, and conflict in a way that leads to growth.
3. The Commitment Stage
Commitment means actively choosing your partner again and again. It’s not just about staying—it’s about investing. It means saying, “I’m in this, even when it’s hard.”
If commitment feels scary or unfamiliar, counselling can help you uncover what’s driving those feelings—and how to move through them.
Common Reasons People Stay Single
Dating Isn’t a Priority
Let’s be real: dating can feel like a part-time job. And with a world full of dating apps, it’s easy to scroll endlessly thinking someone better might be next. But without making real-world connections—through dating, socialising, or community—you’re unlikely to meet the kind of partner you’re looking for.
In my practice in Swords, I see many people prioritising career, wellbeing, or personal growth. That’s not a bad thing—but if you’re ready for a relationship, creating time and space for dating matters.
Fear Is Holding You Back
Maybe you’ve been ghosted, rejected, or hurt. Understandably, you’ve put up walls. But fear and avoidance can block healthy connections.
Counselling may be able to help you identify where fear shows up, why it’s there, and how to slowly replace it with openness and connection. This is a common theme for those working on dating confidence in sessions.
You Haven’t Met the Right Person (Yet)
This might be true—but sometimes we need to ask: Where are you meeting people? Who are you drawn to? Why?
Counselling offers a supportive way to unpack attraction patterns and shift unhelpful dynamics so you can give the right people a real chance.
You Keep Dating the Wrong Kind of People
Do you often go for charm and chemistry, only to later discover a lack of emotional depth or availability?
Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend identify “safe people” in their book Safe People—those who:
- Allow you to feel like an equal
- Have consistent behaviour
- Respect your boundaries
- Show empathy and admit when they’re wrong
If you’re unsure what healthy love looks like, counselling is a great place to learn and reflect.
You Have No Standards at All
Some people are too open, and end up accepting anyone into their lives. Dr. John Gottman outlines five key traits that trustworthy people share:
- Honesty – Don’t ignore lies or inconsistencies.
- Transparency – Are they open about their life and invite you in?
- Accountability – Do they follow through and take responsibility?
- Ethical Actions – Do they act with integrity?
- Proof of Alliance – Do they have your back, even in small ways?
These are things we can explore together in individual counselling sessions in Swords.
You’re Holding onto the Past
Unresolved feelings from past relationships can stop you from moving forward. Grieving, reflecting, and gaining closure can make space for something new.
Counselling helps you process those experiences with compassion and insight. It’s not about forgetting the past—it’s about understanding it so it doesn’t define your future.
Learning Healthy Relationship Skills
Not everyone grows up seeing what a secure, loving relationship looks like. That’s where counselling comes in. I often work with individuals in North County Dublin who are learning:
- How to treat your partner like a friend
- How to communicate feelings and needs without blame
- How to repair and reconnect after conflict
- How to develop rituals of connection
These are learnable skills—and they’re worth every bit of the effort.
The Bigger Picture: Society & Stigma
Let’s not ignore that being single can come with judgement—especially in a world that still views coupledom as the “goal.” People might make assumptions about your worth or your past.
There are also real economic and social challenges to being single—especially in places like Dublin where housing and living costs are high. Counselling can help you navigate both the emotional and practical realities of your situation.
Are You Open-Minded?
Genuine connection requires openness, curiosity, and vulnerability. And often, we’re more focused on being interesting than being interested.
Next time you’re on a date, try being deeply curious about the other person. Ask meaningful questions. You might be surprised at how much easier it is to connect when you’re not trying to perform.
Counselling Can Help You Find What You’re Looking For
In my Swords counselling practice, I work with singles from all walks of life—those who feel stuck, discouraged, or just unsure of where to start. Together, we look at:
- Patterns from past relationships
- Fear of intimacy or commitment
- Building self-worth and confidence
Whether you’re new to counselling or returning after time away, you’re welcome to book a free consultation. It’s a chance to meet, see the space, and decide if we’re a good fit.
FAQs: Why Am I Still Single?
Why do some people remain single despite wanting a relationship?
There are lots of reasons—from fear to avoidance, to past hurt or unrealistic standards. Counselling can help you understand your own unique story and empower you to change what’s not working.
How does past trauma affect dating and relationships?
Unprocessed trauma can cause fear, mistrust, or disconnection. But it doesn’t have to define your future. Through counselling, we can work with you to help you feel safe in connection again.
Is choosing to be single normal?
Absolutely. More people—especially women—are choosing to focus on wellbeing, career, or personal growth. That said, if you crave connection, a healthy long-term relationship can offer real emotional and physical benefits. The choice is yours—and counselling can help clarify what you truly want.
If you’d like support exploring your relationship patterns, building emotional intelligence, or just talking through what’s going on, feel free to get in touch.